Naughtiest Flock

After we acquired Piper Cub, and then Libby, a strange dynamic began to develop in the flock. Libby was the third wheel, poor thing, and I tried to give her all the attention I could.

Her breed is supposed to be very maternal, and loving. She was very sweet and passive when we brought her home, and Piper, well, she did not like the addition to the flock. I am not sure if she felt jealous or what her deal was, but she let Libby know what she thought of her.

Piper proceeded quite early on to head butt Libby every time there was even the hint of a reason.

Now, let me say that Piper and Spitty were constantly getting into it whenever food was an issue. But, they both have horns. It is in their nature.

It is not in Libby's nature to be head butt anything. One morning I came out in the morning and there was evidence on the little bully's horn! She was caught fleeced!

There was no denying Libby's poor situation. My only consolation was her larger size.


I quickly went on the search for a ram to keep her company, but one younger to prevent mating for another year.

It took many week before I could find one. By the time I brought the new members of the flock to the hangar, Libby was more attached to her goat friends than the intruders.

As I introduced her to the very meek new goat and two baby rams, he seemed dis-interested at best.

Food came along and as Piper used to attack Libby, now it was Libby attacking the baby ram!

My sweet little girl had learned to become a bully herself, and now she had the opportunity. What has become of my sweet flock?

And there was Piper attacking the new goat AND Libby, AND Spitty when she got the chance.

Zeru and I actually considered her dangerous behavior, and how it may cause the other's to miscarry when they were expecting, and the liability she was. WE considered selling her or joked about eating her because of her heinous behavior.

Zeru began calling her "the German Nazi" which took my be surprise. "Well, she is very naughty, and German Nazi comes from the word naughty because they were so naughty."

Piper attacks on a whim, Spitty has a short temper, Libby is greedy. The newest little goat, Cessna, doesn't follow, which makes herding impossible. The baby just wants his bottle.

I have the naughtiest little flock.

I asked God what to do about this, and how it happened! Then he pointed out the obvious. He too has the naughtiest flock. He calls the down and out, the sinners, the bad guys, the ones no one else calls, and he makes them his own.

I am learning to shepherd the naughtiest flock. I'm not sure how Jesus managed!

Love is patient, love is kind.

Love is patient,  love is kind.
Patient is often translated more literally as long suffering.  To suffer for a long time.  Love will suffer a long time...

Love is kind.  Not a conditional kindness,  but kind out of love.

I sat out this morning with the flock, and Piper wanted to hang out with me while the others grazed.  Yesterday she affectionately pressed her little goat face to the fence while I rubbed her head.

I told her yesterday while I was petting her that we would not eat her because she was being so good.
I know that sounds TERRIBLE right?

I will post about the "Nazi" goat later(yes there is a story to all this) but we honestly knew we may have to sell her sooner than later due to her behavior being a danger to the other animals. And after all, she is a meat goat breed.

But it got me thinking this morning.  I went out of my way to show her patience and kindness despite her punk behavior,  and something seems to be changing. She can be saved.

Then I consider Boe who had a rough life full of bad stuff.  We were patient and kind.  He loved us and we loved him.  We put in the time,  effort,  and money.  Although much of his behavior became drastically wonderful there were still the one or two dangerous traits which we realized could never be loved out of him.  Despite it all, he could not be saved.

God got my attention this morning on this very point.  They won't all be saved. Even if we love them. Even if we teach them and encourage them.  I am talking about people now.  It doesn't mean we give up because,  like Piper we don't know when the seed will bear fruit.  Many will be saved! And while we are here we love,  we are patient,  we are kind.  We do all we can to save them. But like Boe,  it is not in our control. They will not all be saved.  It's not our fault.

The flock and the hangar

We call our flock enclosure"the hangar."

I built that encosure with 90% what I found lying around,  and then whatever inexpensive additional bits I needed to make it sealed and secure... More or less.

Our first animal was a 2 month old nubian goat buck.  We almost named him Max. He cried all the way home "maaaaaa." But for some reason I named him Spitfire.

Zeru and I were discussing that plane in lessons recently which is probably how it came to mind.

It was at that moment I planned to name all of our flock after planes.

Next morning we picked up a doeling boer goat,  3 months old. We named her Piper Cub. The third animal was a 4 month old ewe Finn sheep B-24 Liberator(Libby for short).
We had these three about a month before getting any more.

I have the privilege to watch single engine prop plans fly over most mornings I let them out to graze.  There is an airport near by with many unique planes that must land there.

A week ago I saw 5 World War single engine fighter planes flying in formation right over my garden as I harvested crops!

Zeru and I have seen a 4 engine prop and several double engine prop  planes,  as well as bi planes.

I feel like God had blessed me with these things in my time of growing and waiting.

Boe's last day

I finally let it go.  Boe was in God's hands.  Then the shelter calls and has a change of heart.  They thought perhaps we were just fickle pet owners I guess. They realized otherwise and offered to pay for the vet procedure since they realized what we already knew.  Boe would never be happy with them and his aggression is too unpredictable.

We took our dog home for a last hurrah. He was so happy.

We must seem like complete crazies because we are telling our dog how good he is and how much we love him and he is so happy... All as we are planning his end.

Poor Zeru. He said goodbye for a second time. This was his first dog whom we had for"almost a whole calendar" as he says it.

Where is the good shepherd in this?
There is justice.  There will one day be peace. There are broken hearts. There is the memory of one awesome dog, and the saddness of knowing abuse created the permanent bad things in him. There is the possible hope that only the good is remaining and he is or will be in heaven. Zeru sure believes so. I'm glad he believes so.

Boe's Injustice

There are really no words to describe the way one feels and the things which go through their mind when faced with a real injustice. When something happens which is terribly wrong, and no one will and nothing can make it right. The damage is done and cannot be undone

I am not talking about natural things, but man made things.

It is a hopelessly frustrating thing to face... but it happens, and God sees it happen, and even allows it.

I may go into what has brought this post on, but first the lesson:

God is bringing us into HIS story. it seems that HIS story is always popping up in our lives. In this case I think of Joseph, you know the kid with the colorful robe. 

In Joseph's life, he faced major injustice twice. First when he was sold as a slave by his brothers, second when he was falsely accused and thrown into prison. Both times were spurned by greed and jealousy: I want something, but I can't have it.

The next case that comes to mind is Bathsheba and Uriah. Again, greed, but then also fear. David killed Uriah out of fear he would be caught.

Lastly I will bring up Saul turned Paul. Chasing after people with all his might to imprison them (this still happens today) and for what? Greed? Fear? No; good intentions. The Bible calls him "Zealous." He really really believed that what he was dong was the right thing to do, so he did it with all his might!

God changed Saul into Paul, but it does not undo the injustice already done. But it was for a purpose.

Paul went on to understand grace more than any other early Christian perhaps, and as Jesus said "He will suffer much" but with a good outcome.

King Solomon (David and Bathsheba' son) changed the face of Israel and built the temple which was a resting place and foundation for the faith of God.

Joseph saved a nation, and also his family which would become God's nation. Joseph suffered 13 years before God swooped in and something crazy happened.

During an injustice we do not have God's foresight, or understand what it may lead to, but we have a choice:

Be consumed with the bitterness of it

or

Trust that God sees the outcome, and follow him, even when it seems impossible.

I did not want to tell this story in bitterness, which is why I began with the point of Trusting God.

We decided to adopt a dog. It was time with all the sheep and goats and chickens to have a "real" pet.

On the hunt for a puppy we ended up at a no-kill shelter and instead found an older dog. He would likely not otherwise be adopted. He was in a feral dog row, in a small kennel barely large enough to turn around in with an outdoor exit into an equally small dirt kennel. Every dog in the row was viciously barking and even the dog we were to meet looked at me and growled. I was more than a little hesitant.

He had come from an abuse/neglect situation and did not like other dogs, we were told. We knew if we got this dog, we would not be getting any others. (We had previously considered getting a couple).

After we looked him over and met him, mom made the decision (it was supposed to be her dog) to think about getting him. First, though, they had to get him neutered (he had been there a month and it had not been done) and also we discovered a bloody mess on his back, which looked like an infected cut. They had to have that looked at also, and a basic check up, shots, etc. None of this had been done.

We called a day or so later to check up on how he was. The infection on his back was actually a mass which had to be removed. Likely benign. We wanted to rescue this dog and give him a good life. We met with him one more time and he seemed to like us fine. Mom filled out a contract (which we never got a copy of) and they sent us off with all sorts of goodies for him, happy he would be adopted!

Knowing it was possible this dog could be a liability, I took the initiative to research how to train him, and went to work straight away. Having a little boy in the house, I did not want to worry that a scared dog from a questionable background would attack him.

We named him Boe (short for Boeing) and fell in love right away.

Unfortunately, when we had him checked at the vet, he was found to be without rabbis, heart worm, or any of the common vaccines dogs need. Also, he was covered in tics, and we had found another mass. 

During this time Boe had come from knowing no commands to learning "come," "sit," "go home," and so many other things and was able to go off leash outside. He was a loyal and loving dog.

He did not like the man of the house, however. He also did not like visitors, and went to attack my baby nephew and my brother. He would growl or show his teeth to my son, and other aggressive behavior. But with me, and mom he was wonderful.

With some training he even was great with Zeru. All of his aggression was logical and could be worked on. Food or territory protection issues are not "good" but can be trained through. He always used a warning, such as a look, growl or showing teeth before it ever escalated to the very rare lunge or snap. We would be patient and work with him, and be careful with guests in the house. It only took a few days before his food related aggression was completely gone.

I went out of my way to look for training advice, and to understand how a dog works and thinks to help Boe adjust.

It turned out his new mass we found was cancer, and they could not get it all out. For the time being he would be fine. We intended to give him the best life possible. It was a lot of work, and a lot of money out of savings, but he was a part of our family.

Compared to where he came from- frightened in the shelter, and before that, neglected and abused- he was in paradise. He was such a happy dog. Excited and wagging his stump. He loved to follow me everywhere. He did not like cold weather or rain though. For being so tough, he was so sensitive, But he was forgetting all the bad past he came from and except for his dislike of new people, and the man of the house (which he would have eventually been fine with, and we were working with him on it) he was doing amazing and was always happy.

Then, one night as mom did the same thing she always did, was petting him and saying goodnight, without warning, or provocation he lunged and attacked her face.

Immediately he knew he did something wrong. Something snapped and he had no control over it. Mom was frightened to get near him for a whole day. We had to tell Zeru not to get on the ground with him. I tried to work with him, and mom called a trainer who had years of experience with aggressive dogs.

The difference between this attack and any other previous aggression was that there was no trigger or cause for it. There was no warning before it. It is not something you can train out of him. It is not likely his fault, but it is also not safe or predictable.

What should we do? We thought of all our options. Keep him and work with him for the few years he has left while putting all our family at risk... that was just plain dumb. Build him a nice doghouse outside and spend time with him working, but limit contact... he would feel abandoned because he loves to be with and follow his people. He would be scared and alone. Call the shelter... no, that place was hell, and he would be suffering worse than ever. He is afraid of other dogs, and there is virtually no human contact and would have no place to run or play. Besides they could not in good faith and conscience adopt him out knowing he could attack at any given time, harming unsuspecting people (We could not in good conscience allow it either).

What could we do for this dog we loved so much? We talked to the vet twice that day. We cried, we talked to trainers who said "not if, but when he would attack again"... and we decided.

We gave him the best 19 days of his life, he knew he was loved, and we gave him the best last day of his life we could. 

A dog cannot reason like we reason. A dog only understands "now." Now I am happy, Now I am scared. Now I am sad.

We made an appointment that night for the vet and cried, and drove him. We would stay with him to the end, he would not remember anything but only know we were there. It would be over, but he enjoyed the "now" of the past 19 days of his life. It was not an easy decision. We kept asking ourselves "is this the right choice?" But when we thought of every alternative, they all seemed worse. A child in the hospital one day, an abandoned sad Boe outside, a frightened and terrified non-adoptable dog left to suffer in a shelter, not understanding why. Why torture him? Hadn't he gone through enough? 

How could we continue to let him live around people knowing an attack was inevitable? 

We got to the vet. A man from the shelter was there, and out appointment had been cancelled. We were not sure if we had a choice. Someone called the "no-kill" shelter and they came to take our dog back. (We NEVER got a copy of the contract and are still unsure what it says, but are pretty sure this is illegal).

He said they wanted to give Boe every chance possible (as if we did not) and that they would have him evaluated.

We protested to having him in the shelter. It was a bad place. Sure, not death, but hell... which is worse?

He said he would be in the owners house, who happens to own 10 dogs. They know Boe is terrified of other dogs. They know his behavior cannot be trained out of him. They took him anyway and he looked scared, abandoned and devastated.

"He is in survival mode" they reported to us. 

Boe is not in a good place right now. What can we do? The damage has been done to us and to him. The stress and sadness and devastation of trying to know the right decision. We considered getting him back somehow- even with police help, but then what? He would be scared and confused again and the inevitable thing is we are back to the beginning of our dilemma of needing to put him down. He may not trust us, or be happy in the end even if we tried. We would be on edge and possibly not be safe in the mean time. It would be going through all the same terrible things for Boe and us all over again. What is the right thing to do?

The no-kill shelter believes in their heart, like Saul, that they are doing the right thing by keeping these feral and suffering dogs meagerly alive locked up in suffering. They think it is better to keep them alive in these conditions than face the inevitable hard decision and let them go in peace. I believe they really do have good intentions. There may also be a bit of pride. Their own desire to feel good for saving dogs may have in time over powered their honest evaluation of each creature and what is best for them. They see it from their view, but not from the view of whom they are claiming to help. The dog only understands "now." 

Keeping someone alive to suffer is not the same as rescuing them! Keeping someone alive to survive alone and afraid when they cannot in good conscience be with people is not "re-homing" and "re-homing" violent, non-rehabilitated offenders is unethical.

"The problem is big, overwhelming, and complicated. There are not enough hands and hours to rehabilitate them all, but if only we can "save" them from death, we are doing better than nothing!" This is their thought I am sure.

What happened to us and our dog cannot be undone. It cannot be fixed. The damage is done and there is nothing that will make matters better. That is the truth. When all things considered this is just sad and frustrating. But I know God.

I know things happen, and like Boe, I cannot understand what is going on except for the "now" and it hurts me to no end, just like he is hurt to no end, so are we compared to God and his foresight. I don't understand why this terrible thing has happened. I feel completely wronged and want something to fix it. But God sees the bigger picture and I must trust Him.

If Boe were a person I could reason with him and explain the situation and everything would be different. If were like God he could reason with usand explain the situation and everything would be different. I may not be equal with God, but I can trust and know Jesus. 

Injustice happens. We must trust God and forgive, not sink into a pit of despair. We must also learn to forgive and like Jesus say "they know not what they do."

*Update* Please read "Boe's Last Day" to find out how this story ends.